well, well, well, look who’s feeling a little mischievous today? Ever thought about living like a villain without actually committing any crimes? Well, WIRED has got you covered with a shopping list fit for the most devious of characters. Whether you fancy a kitchen worthy of Hannibal Lecter, a stereo perfect for Hans Gruber, boots befitting Darth Vader, a chair ideal for Doctor Doom, or a toy box that would make The Joker green with envy, this list has got it all.
Hannibal Lecter’s Kitchen Counter
Picture this: a dry aging meat store that combines ancient methods with modern technology to give you the most tender cuts of meat imaginable. No need to worry about the effort, risk, or odor of hanging meats when you have the Dry Ager DX 1000 Premium S. Just plug it in and enjoy a perfectly aged steak with a thick crust that melts in your mouth. Price? Well, you’ll have to inquire about that.
Dragon Riot Poultry Shears
For all your chicken spatchcocking and bone deboning needs, look no further than the Dragon Riot Poultry Shears. With German stainless steel blades, non-slip grip, and lockable blades, these shears make cutting through gristle and bone a breeze. Just remember, blood stains are easier to remove with cold water.
Bialetti Mini Express Double Serve Coffee Maker
Who needs an expensive coffee maker like Mads Mikkelsen’s Lecter when you can have the Bialetti Mini Express? This stovetop espresso maker may not be as fancy, but it gets the job done with room for two espresso cups. Because let’s face it, in Lecter’s kitchen, making it past dessert is already an achievement.
Riedel Amadeo Decanter
If you’re going to serve a nice chianti with your liver and fava beans, make sure it’s properly aired in the Riedel Amadeo Decanter. Handmade with the finest crystal glass, this decanter shaped like a lyre captures sediments without the need for filtration. Your wine will pour deliciously, enhancing the dining experience for you and your guests.
Wüsthof 8-Piece Designer Knife Set
Dr. Lecter may enjoy his unserrated Spyderco Harpy knife, but when guests arrive, he’ll want a more elegant set on his kitchen counter. Enter the Wüsthof 8-Piece Designer Knife Set in a beautiful red wine-inspired shade. With riveted handles, stainless steel blades, and a precision-cut blade grind-angle, this set is perfect for any discerning chef.
Sirman Anniversario LX 350 Trad Flywheel Slicer
For those who “prefer to eat the rude,” the Sirman Anniversario Flywheel Slicer is a must-have. This manual slicer features a 12-inch blade, double-articulating arm, and a retro aesthetic that is perfect for precision butchery. Easy to clean and disassemble, this slicer is a modern design with a touch of old-world charm.
Hans Gruber’s Hi-Fi Hideout
If Hans Gruber had a playlist, he would need the Pro-Ject Flatten It Vinyl Record Flattener to keep his collection in top shape. This vinyl-flattening machine restores warped records with precision, maintaining the quality of his priceless collection. With hot plates that gently press out unwanted wobbles, this machine is a must-have for any vinyl enthusiast.
écoute Satin Vacuum Tube Headphones
For a villain with a taste for classical music, the écoute Satin Vacuum Tube Headphones are the perfect accessory. These stylish headphones feature Bluetooth connectivity, ANC, and a built-in vacuum tube preamp for traditional analog warmth. With a rich midrange and digital wizardry, these headphones are a must-have for any audiophile.
Vicoustic Multifuser DC3 Acoustic Panel
To enhance the audio experience in his tastefully decorated apartment, Gruber would benefit from the Vicoustic Multifuser DC3 Acoustic Panel. This diffusion panel provides multi-reflection on both vertical and horizontal planes, enhancing musical definition and clarity. Easy to install and perfect for mid and high frequencies, this panel is a stylish addition to any audio setup.
